I like your mindfulness, renee tarantowski! It doesn’t have to make sense for others, it has to make sense for you — obviously it does — and that’s where you seem to have found peace.
I relate with you in this: “My first kid, the future was a clear calendar waiting to be filled with anticipation. It was open, vast, uncharted.”
The calendar was wide open because the first child arrived first. As the second, and subsequent kiddos arrive, the calendar is fuller and less accommodating.
Rhetorical question: Does that mean you/I love the second one less or differently?
And, there is some guilt associated with that.
Sometimes I’m too worn out. Sometimes I just don’t want to go to school one more time. Fill folders behind the scenes or cut out activities. I want to say no to the BS and be there for what matters, what the second one can see and feel. Not the obligatory “stuff” that clutters my calendar.
I guess that means I’m mindful??