Why Do We Feed Kids Crap … umm, er, Unicorn Frappuccino?

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Photo credit: Starbucks Newsroom

The Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino is reportedly a rainbow of Sweet Tart flavor. It has huge kid appeal, and adults everywhere are running to Starbucks to try it.

“This is where your ice cream comes from. The creamy poop of a missing unicorn”.

If you turn around and drink it from the other end you might get as much nutritional value from Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino.

Proponents say it brings back a sense of childhood wonder. A chance to re-live a Cinderella story, or Prince Charming’s ability to woo the girl… A trip back in time sows childhood roots, unless it tastes like frosty Pepto-Bismol, or a fruity Slush Puppie.

The Penny Hoarder wanted to try it, but … “I couldn’t bring myself to spend $5.30 on a grande cup of unicorn vomit’. — @thepennyhoarderClick To Tweet

She’s a penny-hoarder.

The Food Babe says “It’s full of additives that do nothing good for your body”. — @thefoodbabeClick To Tweet

The additives aren’t the worst part. It’s the 59 grams of sugar in the drink. The American Heart Association says adult males should not consume more than 36 grams daily. And, adult females should stop at 25 grams. One drink puts a person over the daily suggested limit of sugar. Imagine what the 59 grams of sugar in a grande, (76 grams of sugar in a venti) does for a child.

Jon Acuff gives it to his kids as a sugar boost to make it through to their Disney destination:

Just got my kids unicorn frappuccinos for our 10pm delayed flight to Disney that now lands at…

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) April 22, 2017


The Stratford Health Department said ‘No’ to ‘Unicorn on its Facebook page.

Is it any wonder American obesity rates are 38% for adults, 17% for teenagers, and 1 in 5 children is obese, according to the CDC?

Don’t lose your cool like one Starbucks barista did.

Braden Burson told USA Today, “I have never made so many Frappuccinos in my entire life. My hands are completely sticky. I have unicorn crap all in my hair and on my nose, I have never been so stressed out in my entire life”.

Burson is probably elated Starbuck’s Unicorn Frappuccino blitz is over.

Whether it’s unicorn hemorrhoids, the best poop of your life, or the Unicorn Frappuccino … the glitter gets everywhere.

Why do kids feel crappy and act strangely? Maybe it’s because we feed them crap.

The Unicorn Frappuccino was so successful Starbucks has gone on to produce the Narwhal, the Dragon, and the Mermaid. Do you drink them, or something else? Please comment below.

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